If you are struggling to communicate with your spouse and you feel like the difficult conversations frequently go sideways, this is the podcast for you! Listen in as we teach you a practical tool that can help you have conversations that help resolve conflicts rather than just sending you into another conflict cycle.
L = Listen
U = Understand
V = Validate
When Your partner is talking, you will practice L. U. V. on them.
Speaker’s responsibility- keep it to one laser focused subject at a time and keep it to 3 min or less.
LUVer’s responsibility:
Listen- during this phase of the tool you will do no talking and just be attentive to what Your partner is saying. At this point I don’t care if she is telling a lie, doesn’t have all of the information, or has wrong information you listen all the way through (you will be able to address your disagreement with what they said later). The person who is doing the talking should be laser focused and only talking about a very narrow point.
Understand-in this phase show Your partner that you know what they are talking about by repeating back in your own words what you believe they was trying to say. If you get it right move to the next phase if it is wrong go back to listening.
Validate- what they said by saying something like “based on what you said it makes sense that you feel/think that way or came to that conclusion”. This is not necessarily agreeing it is just letting them know they have a point.
Now it is time to make the switch from you practicing L. U. V. On them to practicing it on you. I like to accomplish this with a question, ” may I address some of the things that you said” or something close to that. This allows them to voluntarily give you control of the conversation rather than you trying to take it by force ( interrupting or talking over them). When we voluntarily give up control of the conversation then we are able to truly listen and not be irritated that we got interrupted or continue to think about what we wanted to say rather than what the other person is saying.
If you practice this communication tool and make it part of your everyday conversations, it can greatly benefit you and your relationships.
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